Adaptation: The Missing Link

IMG_2928Today I’m on Writer Unboxed with a post about Adaptation. Specifically, as a writer why it’s so necessary during life changes to reassess how things are working in your writing life then to adapt to current circumstances—but more specifically than that, about why it’s so necessary in my writing life right now.

It didn’t feel right doing that (talking about things, deeply personal things) that I haven’t shared on my personal blog. So here I am, out of my comfort zone for the second time this month (see last week’s post), writing about something I’ve grappled with about whether or not I want to talk about publicly.

Here’s the thing. A few years ago, I wrote about MEH (My Engineer Husband) losing his job. I’ve written a lot about MEH in general—he is, after all, a huge part of my life. My partner in crime. My ummer (don’t worry, I don’t expect you to understand—he will). Last week I wrote about how I met MEH. The story of how we fell in love.

What I haven’t written about here is MEH’s depression. After he lost his job, he fell into a depression. Clinically diagnosed. It’s been hard—hardest for him, of course, but hard on our relationship, too. And hard for me. MEH has always been the most positive, upbeat person I’ve ever met. It was hard to see him not be that way.

Things are much better. We’re okay now. More importantly, MEH’s back. Really back. For a while I felt like I was holding my breath, but now I can breathe again. That doesn’t mean we don’t have a ways to go (he does, we do), but the depression is in our rearview mirror. And that’s a very good thing.

My post on Writer Unboxed isn’t about the depression—not really. I only mention the depression in passing, to illustrate my point—but it didn’t feel right to not tell the story here first, the whole story (as much of the whole story as I’ll tell right now). Because you all know MEH, some of you have even met him in person.

So, now that you know, I hope you’ll read my post on WU. It would mean a lot. Because for a while now, it’s been hard to write, and now I feel pretty vulnerable even posting a blog at all, but especially a blog post that is this intensely personal, and I could really use your support right now.

What have you struggled with that’s been hard to write about? More importantly, what do you need from me right now? I’m here for you.

Sending love to all of you, and out into the world, too,



  1. I hear you, Julia. I’m glad to hear that you and MEH are coming out the other side of this terrible illness.

    I think about the person who is afflicted, but I admit I haven’t often considered how trying it is for the caregivers.They are deeply affected, but their voices aren’t heard as much. I can appreciate your point, “I was holding my breath, but now I can breathe again.” That is a powerful sentiment. Thank you for sharing and putting a face on that side of this illness.

    • Thank you, Jackie. It really means perhaps more than you’ll know to have the caring and support of friends. That’s probably been the hardest thing for me, to reach out. Second hardest: writing this post. So truly, thank you.

  2. Kate says:

    This and your Writers Unboxed blog are wonderful, Julia. They’re insightful and honest, a great telling of change and crisis to metamorphosis and enlightenment. I thoroughly enjoyed both. Thank you!

    • Thank you, Kate — really means so much, especially because it doesn’t always feel that way. Happy to be on this road with you; your support and friendship have really been so critical along the way. xoxo

  3. Hallie says:

    Oh Julia. Thank you for writing this. You are stronger than you know and I’m so proud of you for sharing this when I know it’s very uncomfortable for you. I’ve struggled with my identity as a writer and perhaps I’ve been kidding myself the whole time. But then I walked away from it for a while and I was really lost. So I guess I am a writer but I just need to work on being a better one. I know I have big things to do but I feel like I’m standing off stage and too scared to step into the spotlight. You and I have talked so much about this and much of what I’m lacking is a game plan. That’s on my agenda as well as some major goal setting.

    I’m so happy to see another blog post so soon and I absolutely love reading your words. Always so, so good. Love you! ~Hal

    • Hallie…thank you! You are such a huge support and inspiration to me, and I know (and you do at your core) that you’re a great writer. Still, I know too well that feeling of being lost and unsure. Here’s to shaking that. To major goal setting — And to having a game plan. It’s on the agenda for the next hangout, right? And one of these days in person! Love you too!

  4. I’m just coming out of a huge adaptation as well, transitioning to my elderly father’s caretaker and dealing with my own failed third novel. Both of your blogs really hit home. I’ve felt no urge to write. None at all. I empathize with your husband, too. I was depleted and felt nothing inside. It’s only a new freelance account that’s gotten me back on track in the last week or so. Thank you for sharing your story. Be kind to yourself. xx

    • So sorry to hear you’ve had the same problem with writing, Karen — really hard. And especially as you’re caring for your dad and feeling depleted. I’m really glad you got the new client. Here’s to hope and kindness and getting back on track. Thank you for understanding and for your support! Hugs!

  5. Leah says:

    Thank you for sharing this! Depression – especially when it hits someone close to us – is so hard. I’m glad MEH is doing better and that you’re sharing your story.