Answers to Your (In)FAQs

This is a photo of an old church
around the corner from my house.
If you want to use this or another of
the photographs on my blog,
please ask first!

Dear Readers,

Today I will attempt to answer questions you are curious about. No, not those of you who visit (and read) my blog on a regular basis and ask me questions. But you, the other ones—and you know who you are—those of you who find my blog via a google search, one that is perhaps only tangentially related to my blog. One that, when I read it, makes me smile, shake my head, or just plain wonder.

This post is dedicated to you, random searchers. Welcome to my blog, feel the wordsxo love: I will attempt to discern what you were after, answer your questions, or at least commiserate. (This post is also dedicated to blogging friend Sara Grambusch who gave me the idea!)

1. typewriter smudges: Is a typewriter smudge something left behind by a ribbon? I’m guessing it’s something you want to remove, right? If the smudge is on your skin, try fingernail polish remover; if it’s on the paper, I’d go for the white out…do they still make white out?…For the record, I once wrote a post on a typewriter, and it has plenty of smudges, so don’t feel bad, it happens to everyone. It’s part of the charm.

2. creepy church: One of my posts had photos of a church up the street from where I live; I take a lot of photos of it to help me establish a mood for my WIP. If you want to use one of my photos, I’m honored. But please ask first.

3. Chicken With Crow Experiments: I’m sorry, I don’t know where to find experiments that deal with both chickens and crows (and yet when I googled this myself my blog came up 5th in the google search list, I have no idea why). I’ve never done one of these experiments. However I do write a lot about crows (MEH—My Engineer Husband, see #12—and I love crows), so maybe I slipped a chicken in there somewhere…



Abby eats lots of peanuts, as many as she can. She seems fine,
but please consult your veterinarian if you have real concerns.

4. Is it okay if my dog eats the peanuts I feed to crows? My dog Abby eats them (shell and all) and she seems fine! Of course, she’s a lab. Please consult your veterinarian if questions remain.

5. Hermione mug: Did you find one? Please tell me where, I want one too.

6. man stuck in a rowboat: I’m sorry, I hope you got out. If you didn’t, try calling the U.S. Coast Guard. Immediately. You could get cold, see #8.

7. How to make a bridge out of toothpicks:One time my daughter built one of these in middle school. It was a huge pain to make, but it was beautiful. And she got an A on the project. She gets a lot of A’s.

8. Is 1 degree cold or hot weather: Do you spend too many hours of the day in your house, in front of your computer? I’m not sure how you don’t know this, but 1 degree (either Celsius or Fahrenheit) is considered cold, yes. Please go outside next time your thermometer says 1 degree and live the cold (but Mom says wear a jacket).

9. Iphone low battery: I have this problem too, so if you found a solution please come back and tell me.

10. antic house: The definition of antic is an attention-drawing, often wildly playful or funny act or action. I live in a quaint antique house, and there’s nothing funny about it. And I honestly think I’d prefer to live in an antic one—it sounds like a lot more fun.

11. Oprah waving: I wrote a post about Oprah and Meredith Vieira, and how I want to be interviewed by them when (for the record, I refuse to say if) I get famous. I don’t want to see Oprah waving, I want her to give me a hug like she gives all her guests. And yes, I admit a bit of a girl-crush on her (and you too, Meredith—just in case you’re reading!).

12. 8 meh: I only have one MEH (My Engineer Husband). But he’s as good as 8 regular MEHs any old day. He’s a keeper.

Cheers,

Julia

p.s. What are some of the weird searches that got people to your blog? I’d love to hear in comments! And if you have more questions for me, leave them….I’ll try my best to answer them.

Comments

  1. Hilarious!!! Man in a rowing boat? 8 husbands? Good heavens – the mind boggles! I have no idea how to get this information about how people found my blog, but would dearly love to. Maybe there’s a man stuck out on a rowing boat waiting for me to rescue him too!

  2. You are so funny!!! I get lots of weird Google searches that I would not repost, for fear of getting even more said weird searches. I think it has to do with “women’s” in the title of my blog. Ya think? :)

  3. Let’s see here!

    “weather is dark rainy night”
    Yes, that’s a type of weather. You get a gold star. NO, don’t eat it! Gah!

    “something that changes over time”
    Everything changes. I’m sorry to break it to you. Everything.

    “what to rite when you edit some thing”
    …I don’t think I’m the best person to help you with this one. Moving on.

    “what to say on what responsibilities i like the most at work”
    Good lord, tell the truth as near as you can, because if you lie, they will give you a bunch of horrible responsibilities you absolutely hate. BE SENSIBLE, CHILD.

    “sometimes i wonder about a lot of things”
    So do I, dear. So do I…

    ~Ashlee
    http://ashleesch.com
    http://theDragonsHoard.bigcartel.com

  4. Abi, Glad you enjoyed these — the mind really does boggle, doesn’t it!? Your blog’s statistics page might list all the searches? You should check it out, so funny and you might need to rescue a row boat dude 😉

    Women’s Fiction Writer, Glad you enjoyed. And yes, I actually did avoid some of the *less savory* searches for fear I’d alert the search engines… so I can well imagine why you get lots of searches with “women” in the title of your blog. Some of mine have to do with the letter “x” and combination of “xo.” Hmmm…

    Ashlee, that “rite” one is HILARIOUS. They need a little more help than I can give. And sometimes *I* wonder about a lot of things, too, but I’m not sure I’d ever muse that one — not quite like that — to google! Thanks for sharing yours! :-)

  5. CMSmith says:

    Thanks for the entertaining start to my day, Julia, and all the helpful information.

  6. I get most of my random hits when people search on Ka’imi Kuoha. I wrote a post about taking a self-defense workshop from her and discovered that she’s quite famous in the martial arts world. She’s a lovely and skilled person, so I’m not surprised that she has a lot of fans, but some of them are a little obsessed.

  7. Hehe. Thanks for the chuckle. Not sure I knew Abby ate the peanuts, but I LOVED the photo of her (and the church, of course). I get random hits when people search for wildlife: geckos, gila monsters, coyotes. Guess I’m doing something RITE (ha ha ha) since people are searching for the stuff about which I write. Happy day.

  8. Lisa says:

    Mine just get stranger and stranger. Some aren’t in English. Some have nothing to do with anything in my blog. Some are downright x-rated (and of course I write x-rated stuff all the time, don’t I)

  9. Hilarious! Aren’t these search terms a gas?
    My favorite I’ve gottten is: Woman glamorous with briefcase…
    I don’t know why this got directed to my blog (and probably the searcher scratched his/her head as well) since I don’t have anything about briefcases on my blog. Still, I do like to think I might look glamorous with my briefcase, on occasion. LOL!!
    Fun post, Julia. One day I must do one of these!

  10. E.J. Wesley says:

    This is too funny Julia!

    By the way, Drive was one of my favorite movies from last year, and the music went a long ways making it so. Just such a gorgeously atmospheric film!

    Kind of weird, yes. But Gorgeous!

  11. Ha! I still can’t believe there are no sandbar searches. “8 meh” is super funny. I wonder if they meant to write 8 men? Ugh, that’s too many. I also like “antic house”. What a quirky term. Maybe if you locate that Hermione mug you can make a muffin in it..? :) Thanks for the shout out friend!

  12. Christine, Glad to entertain — always! And of course, I’m always thrilled to be of some help! 😉

    Shary, I didn’t read your Ka’imi Kuoha post, I’ll need to google that 😉 As for obsessed fans, most of mine seem less obsessed than confused…

    Melissa, Yep, Abby loves the peanuts shell and all, and she even scrapes them out of the ice with her teeth — don’t you think that would hurt??? Dogs! I love that you get all those searches from the animal names, VERY cool! You really are a RITE-R. 😉

    Lisa, They are strange aren’t they, although I’ve never gotten any in anything but English… must be your x-rated post I missed. DARN IT. I’ll be searching THAT one out 😉

    Cynthia, I wish someone had searched for “woman glamorous with briefcase” to get to MY blog — Natalia and I joke about the #glamorouswriterslife and I’m jealous of your tangential google search — is that possible? :-) Looking forward to YOUR post, too!

    E.J., Glad you enjoyed this post, and funny you’d bring up DRIVE in this comment (I know, in response to my tweet)… I ALMOST blogged about DRIVE today! The music is incredible, listening to it incessantly! But, to be honest, still not sure about the movie — I loved the first 1/3rd, then…? I will definitely write a blog about it very soon, as it relates to what it made me think about with my fiction. The cinematography (sp?) and atmosphere, I agree, were nothing short of amazing. And yes, weird. My husband will never look the same way at a fork (my head was under a blanket for that one)!

  13. Sara, I know, no Sandbar searches… what do *they* know!? Apparently people of not very discerning taste, huh? 8 meh was super weird; antic house I’m assuming was a typo or someone who couldn’t spell, but who knows? I would LOVE to have a funny house that made me laugh not cry like this one does 😉 As for the mug, no question I’d make a muffin in that Hermione mug… gotta get one!

  14. Erika Marks says:

    Oh, boy, did I laugh out loud reading this, Julia–thank you for those much-needed guffaws!

    I am always so startled (terrified?) to read the search words that bring people to my blog, though I haven’t checked in a while. Might be time to give it a look.

    Closing eyes, holding nose, diving in… 😉

  15. Chris Fries says:

    Hilarious stuff, Julia! I love your sense of humor. ;^)

    Unfortunately, most of the misdirected visitors who come to my tiny, backwater wanna-be writer’s blog from Google searches are looking for “winner” (I won a very small writing contest and wrote about it in a blog), “ripple” (I called my first-ever blog post “the Ripple,” referring to my new blog making barely a ripple in the Innerwebs), and “writing journal” (many of my posts use that as a topic). Not great comedic fodder there…

    Fun post!

  16. Ann says:

    BWAHAHahahahaha! Love, love, LOVE this post! Believe it or not – so far all my google searches have been for food items! No crazy ones yet…I guess I’m just not big enough.

    If you DO find a Hermoine mug – let me know where you got it!

  17. Great post, Julia! I especially enjoy the “8 meh” bit. lol. I had an organic search for “freelancing post comments” the other day. Weird, lol.

  18. Ann, Glad you loved the post :-) I think your blog is much much bigger than mine, so maybe you just don’t post enough crazy recipes (like I do topics) to flush out the stranger searches! I really really REALLY want a Hermione mug, too, so I’ll def. let you know when I find one! xo Julia

    Mahesh, I loved the “8 meh” too, not sure what they could *possibly* have been searching for, how about you? That “freelancing post comments” is pretty weird too… maybe they’re looking for places that will pay them to post comments (now THAT’S a job I’d like to be paid for!!). Glad you enjoyed the post!

  19. Barb Riley says:

    Oh wow, those are funny! Yeah, the ‘8 MEH’ one is pretty… peculiar. I don’t get too many unusual ones, but coincidentally, I just checked after reading your post and here are two that made me laugh: ‘sweet flexible gymnast 01’ and ‘words being thrown into a trash can.’ The ‘flexible gymnast’ part would have been expected after my Olga Korbut/Nadia Comeneci post, but the ‘sweet’ in front of it and the ’01’ after it threw me!

    Fun post. :)

  20. Barb, Glad you enjoyed it. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but…. I am actually SO envious of one of your google searches. Are you kidding me “words being thrown in a trash can”??? That is such a great one! And, I might add, could be the title of a blog! Haha, and today, I know for a fact that I WILL be throwing words in a trash can! xoxo Julia

  21. Becca says:

    Once, years and years ago, I quoted from a poem called “The Traveling Onion,” by Naomi Shabib Nye. Since then I regularly get at least one, sometimes 10 or 11 people at my blog who have searched for “the traveling onion.”

    I’ve posted or talked about a lot of other, more well known poetry since then, but that’s the one everyone seems to look for.

    Or there are a lot of people interested in traveling onions.

  22. Do you know what gets people to my blog every day? Pulled pork tacos!

  23. Becca, That’s so interesting about that poem (or people interested in onions that travel) bringing so many people to your blog! I just read it, though, and I can begin to see why — a lovely poem — thanks for letting me know about it!

    Leah, Pulled pork tacos sound AMAZING and I will have to go to your blog and search for it myself! 😉

  24. I am laughing so hard, Julia. These search terms are hysterical.
    Someone got to my blog recently by searching “funny but useless.”
    What are they trying to say? 😉

  25. Jackie, Okay, I am officially jealous for the second time in these comments. I wish, wish, WISH I could’ve used “funny but useless” as one of my questions on this post. So funny! And how could it possibly have led to your blog? I can’t imagine anything you’ve posted is funny but useless! Now *this* post is another matter! 😉

  26. Love this! One of my favorites was “how not to be hyper and annoying”

    I also had: “Eminem my favorite wigga”

    Lots of stuff about dogs eating things they shouldn’t be eating…so we have that in common!

  27. Stephanie, I can’t even imagine how “how not to be hyper and annoying” could lead to your blog!? Weird! And the Eminem one is funny too. Figures we’d both get lots of dogs eating things they shouldn’t searches — but why not chipmunks? 😉

  28. This was so entertaining and fun to read! My favorite (of course) was “8 meh.” *Loved* your comeback on that one!

    The strangest search result I’ve had lately was “fear written in blood.” This makes me think that the person googling it probably wanted to steal the word FEAR from my header on the Fear of Writing blog (because it *is* dripping with blood), which would annoy me. But not enough to go out searching for them. After all, I might run into the people who are doing experiments with chickens and crows. And that would be scary.

    Thanks for all the smiles. Great idea for a post!

  29. Nancy Kelley says:

    Is it possible to favorite blog posts? This is hilariously awesome, Julia. I might do something similar with mine, only it would go something like this:

    1) How to write like Shakespear. Learning to spell his name is a good place to start. It’s Shakespeare, with an -e on the end. After that, I recommend reading, lots and lots of reading.

  30. Milli, I’m glad you enjoyed the post! And I know what you mean about people stealing things from the blog… there were a few searches (I didn’t include) that were clearly people looking for photos — I can see why you wouldn’t want “fear” stolen… I like it when people want to use my photos (as long as they just ask! :)

    Nancy, I’m so glad you enjoyed the post! And that I could amuse — what a wonderful comment, thank you so much! I love the Shakespear search that led to your blog — haha. Too funny! Thanks for making my night with your nice comment, Nancy :)